MHM

"Some people say the worst way to miss someone is when they are right next to you and you know you can't have them, but it's worse when you thought you didn't want them in the first place and now all of a sudden it's all you really want."

I'm so confused.

If we weren’t meant to give things another try, our paths and thoughts would not keep crossing, and we would not keep tripping over our feelings for each other.

What's worse, new wounds which are so horribly painful or old wounds that should’ve healed years ago and never did? Maybe our old wounds teach us something. They remind us where we’ve been and what we’ve overcome. They teach us lessons about what to avoid in the future. That’s what we like to think. But that’s not the way it is, is it? Some things we just have to learn over and over and over again.
“
— Greys Anatomy

Realize now that when your heart breaks, you got to fight like hell to make sure your still alive. Because you are. And that pain you feel? That’s life. The confusion and fear? That’s there to remind you, that somewhere out there is something better, and that something is worth fighting for.
“
— One Tree Hill

No one ever said that life would be fair, or that the moments you wanted to last forever would. As you start to realize, people who once said that they cared can stop in an instant and those people who once made you the happiest, are now the ones who make you cry. You realize that no matter how much you care about someone, it doesn’t mean they will care about you. Letting go of something isn’t hard, it’s what you leave behind that’s the hard part. You realize that kisses don’t always mean something and promises can be broken, just as quickly as they are made.
“
— Unknown

Only time will determine when and how you’re going to move on. Sure, it might not be right away like you want it to be but eventually one day you’ll wake up and realize that somewhere along the way that piercing feeling you’ve always felt inside your chest faded and went away while you were too busy living life to notice.

— Unknown

Pain,you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers. You just breathe deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed, but sometimes the pain gets you when you least expect it, hits way below the belt and doesn’t let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can’t outrun it, and life always makes more.


— Grey’s Anatomy

I want thesee :

“I love you and I probably always will. but we go days without having meaningful conversations, and I used to miss you so much when that happened. But it never seemed like you missed me, and I guess because of that ..I stopped missing you.”
— One Tree Hill

true

i`d like to meet someone who wouldn`t give up on me. someone who would always be there.. no matter what. someone who i could tell all of my secrets to, and they would trust me enough and tell me their`s. someone who wouldn`t care what i would wear, or how i have my hair done. someone who would call me every night just to hear my voice. someone who would know me well enough to tell when i`m mad, sad, or confused. someone who wouldn`t just like me for the looks, but for me personally and in the inside. someone who wouldn`t just love, but someone who would be addicted to me. someone who would never leave me clueless or alone. someone who would always do what they say. someone who would look out for me. some one who would never leave me broken. someone who would be faithful to me. someone who would be the one for me, and i`d be the one for them. someone who would be my romeo and i`d be their juliet.

Believe .

“ Don’t worry, he’ll miss you. You’re the best he could get, and he blew it. Don’t let him make you think for one second that this was your fault. It’s not. He screwed up, and you did absolutely nothing wrong. You gave him your heart, and you trusted him to keep it and protect it, but he couldn’t. And honestly, he’s not mature enough. He’s not smart enough. If he was smart, he would have cared for you with every fiber of his being and been with you every spare second he could. But he didn’t, and now he’s gone. But don’t you cry. Don’t call him telling him you miss him. Don’t IM him, don’t message him, don’t comment him, don’t talk to him in the hallways. Just pretend you don’t care. And don’t be surprised when he comes crawling back saying he made a mistake. And if you want to go, go with him again. But make him work for you. Don’t be his doormat. Don’t let him in the first time he rings the bell. Make him come back every day until you trust him enough. If he doesn’t come back after a couple of tries, just let him go. But if he comes back every day, then he’s worth it. Trust me .. he’s worth it."

QUOTES <3

“ The thing about life that I’ve learned is that you’re going to get hurt. You’re going to have emotional nights and cry yourself to sleep for hours. You’re going to suffer some kind of loss. But you will also have those moments where you heal. Those moments are the best. You feel like you smile for the first time again. you feel like you’re alive again. Life just kind of restarts."

atleast im not the only one feeling this way..

“ Why do I care so much about you, after all you’ve done to me? I mean, you’re nothing really special, just another stupid teenage idiot. But you were always my idiot, and that’s what counts. God, I used to believe in you. I really did. But I don’t know what to believe anymore. You blew it, idiot. I hope you’re happy. Just when I thought everything would be okay, you threw it all away. You changed before my eyes. It’s like these last months meant nothing. I’m not gonna lie, this hurts like hell. I’ve never hurt this much over another person. I want to be done with you. But I can’t say goodbye. This might seem backwards, but I don’t know what hurts more right now, the possibility that you never cared about me at all or the possibility that you still do."

I’m starting to learn. You can’t make someone love you. You cant make someone be faithful to you. You cant control your own fate sometimes. Things happen.. good, bad, indifferent. You just have to let some things go and hope they turn out for the best. Its like falling off a horse. You’re in the air and you know its going to hurt like hell when you hit the ground. But there isn’t enough time to stop it. So you close your eyes and hope for the best.

and its really over..

man oh man do i miss you right now.

seriously ; there are way too many memories to look back on and it kills me knowing you let me go, because “things changed.” Like, wtf man!? That’s BULLSHIT. It wasn’t even four days before the day you broke up with me that you looked me in the eye and told me you loved me. I believed you ; and I believed you every fuckin single time you told me it’d be forever. You promised no matter what, it’d only be me. What happened to you? How can you change so damn fast? How can you let me go that easily? How can you not fight for me or for what we had? I’m sure as hell we had love. I don’t even know you anymore right now. I know you gave up on me.. and it hurts more then anything because not once did I ever give up on you. No matter what you put me through, no matter how many excuses you had, and no matter what everyone said and put us through, I fought for you and i fought for US , because I believed you were worth it. And I thought in the long run.. you’d do the same for me.. but I guess at this point, I guess I was wrong. I wish you showed emotion, and I wish you showed you loved me.. but hey, that’s all I can do right? Wish for everything to happen ..even if it doesn’t? I blame myself all the time, and I make excuses for you all the time, and I always tell myself maybe I wasn’t worth it .. but maybe; everyone else is right. When they say ” it’s not your fault, and eventually it’ll catch up to him” .. maybe they’re right. But who am I to say that? I miss and love you dearly; and no one can take that away from me.. but if it means letting you go then maybe that’s what I have to do. You are everything to me. You have been from the start and you know that.

Thanks for getting my hopes up when you promised/swore on everything .. that it’d only be me.. and that it’d be forever. I honestly didn’t know that forever could end so quickly. It hurts like a bitch to be like this. It hurts seeing myself get hurt in the end for everything I did for you. But what hurts the most, if having to almost let go .. and knowing you’re not doing anything to try to get me back. I wish you’d come back to me. Oh well.. for now, all I have are memories to reminisce on and dreams that constantly come up in my head..

p.s. yes ; I’m still patiently waiting for you. And yes; there’s still time.

“ The one that is meant for us is going to be the hardest to get, the hardest to keep, and the hardest to accept because through all that the love will grow stronger. Love wasn’t made to be easy, otherwise we wouldn’t end up with the right person. We would end up with the first one who comes along. By struggling we single out the wrong ones and realize who really is the one."

im just tired of being tired.

i’m tired of being sad. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of feeling empty inside. I’m tired of feeling worthless. I’m tired of feeling stuck. I’m tired of feeling crazy. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of yelling. I’m tired of pretending. I’m tired of dreaming of a life I will never have. I’m tired of missing things. I’m tired of missing people. I’m tired of remembering. I’m tired of wishing I could start all over. I’m tired of not being able to just let go. I’m tired of faking it. I’m tired of being different. I’m tired of being angry. I’m tired of needing help. I’m tired of always wondering when I will finally let myself be happy. Most of all, I’m just tired of being tired.

favorite quote at the moment.

true strength is being able to hold it all together when no one would blame you for falling apart.

“ I want a boy I can’t get enough of. He would read my favorite books and watch my favorite movies, just to talk about them with me. He would get me so mad I can’t even think and then kiss me out of no where. He would laugh at all my jokes, no matter how stupid they are, and pretend to like my friends, even though we both know they’re the biggest losers ever. He would hold me when I cry, and he’d know when I say I’m cold, I really just want him to hold me. He would hold open doors for strangers, and would never miss the chance to hold my hand. He would give me hugs and tell me jokes that aren’t really funny, but make me laugh anyway, and he wouldn’t put up with my bullshit. He’d teach me how to play sports and watch Grey’s Anatomy with me. He’d watch movies with me that we both know by heart, and we’d recite every line. He would tell me I’m pretty, but not too often, and surprise me with notes in my locker, or 25 cent rings. He would walk with me outside, even when it’s cold, and know what to say to make me feel better. He would help me study when i have a test, and never make me cry on purpose. He wouldn’t mind when I talk during movies, or interrupt his stories. He’d become friends with my family and have dinner with us. He wouldn’t be embarrassed to kiss me or tell me he loves me, ever, and he would let me buy him stuff when i feel like it, and listen to the music I like, even if he thinks it sucks, and he would share his music with me. He would have snowball fights with me in the winter, and water balloon fights in the summer. He would go to the beach with me, and when I’m tired he’d let me fall asleep in his arms. He would always know how to make me smile, and he would sing to me. He would call me just to say hi, or to tell me he was thinking of me. He would tell me his secrets, and let me tell him mine. He would be my best friend, and he would never, ever break my heart."

A walk to remember makes me think..

It’s a miracle what kind of change comes after an amount of time. My fault though , because I didn’t prepare myself. I wish I could go back and relive those times; feel so careless and free and happy. It felt so good; and I miss it terribly. The people you think will never hurt you; somehow hurt you in the long run, and it hurts more then ever because you never saw it coming.. well that’s how I feel. Honestly, I feel like I’n doing much better with this whole heartbreak thing and having to accept the fact that he doesn’t want me anymore, but hey I have my rights too, and that means I can miss him without feeling guilty. It’s normal. But at some points I just have the urge to break down , because after all of this; I wanted so bad .. and I still want so bad .. to make it .. I WAS SO DAMN CLOSE . I don’t get how he didn’t realize I was giving it my all. And this is why sometimes I just don’t feel good enough, because the one person who should’ve seen my effort.. didn’t.

it hurts so much to feel this way ; but it hurts even more having to accept the fact that I have to be okay with it..
I miss his warmth, his kisses, his hugs, every little effing detail of our relationship.. except that he let me go. I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. I accepted him through all his flaws.. I just wish he wanted me back atleast close to as bad as I want him back. I still love you; and you have no idea how much it fuckin kills me being like this.