and sometimes..being this strong isn't good enough

well it's currently 2:04 PM right now on March 29th 2009
and im sitting in front of this laptop screen crying.
and this is one of the time i wish i was a robot, and have the ability to say all the things i want to say and not have to be affected because im so fuckin tired of being blamed and in the end everything's always my fault.



i dont even know what to say anymore.
you guys know i love you. its that plain and simple in words, but if you knew me in person, you know i love to care about others more then myself.



the end. im done.
i can't take this shit anymore

&because i don't know what the eff to do anymore

god, please give me the strength to talk them out of it.


please help me realize that 800 days is not a long time and that i can make it.
please don't let me hurt him, and please help him realize that i care so much about him
please let me show him that there's alternatives and that im here to help him through everything.



please give me anwser lord, because im very lost.
and im scared ill end up doing something stupid or something ill regret.


im terrified.

all i have to say today :

it was the best saddest day ever,
baby you always make me day.






thank you so much for visiting me as a surprise.
you are so worth being with. i miss you and love you baby <3
you proved to me that you do love me and this will be a forever&always kind of thing